F-Stop Blues

The Persistence of Everything

A photo series by Ben Strang

Narrative Accompaniment

“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep, If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take… so my friend Jimmy… Jimmy’s my best friend. We eat lunch every day at school but yesterday he said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore because Carey and I ate lunch… But I really like Carey… Now when I’m in class with Jimmy, I think about Carey. We’re going to go have a picnic on dad’s fishing boat this weekend and go to a beach… but I don’t know if she likes me back... Please make Carey like me back… and Jimmy… but Carey first. They’re my best friends. I guess you know that. Amen.”

“I’m really not sure how this is supposed to go… It’s been a while… and it’s really quiet out here… I don’t like it so quiet… could you turn up the volume a little bit? Anyways. I guess I’ve made it clear that only thing I want in life is to see Neil Young next week… that’s not too much to ask is it? My friend said it might be his last tour. And I NEED to see him in concert or I think I am going to die... So just one ticket is all I need… well, maybe two tickets… one for my dad. He loves Neil Young too. Okay. I guess that wraps it up… the tickets are all I want. Please.”

“God, today I married the woman of my dreams and everything is perfect. James tried to high five me after the ceremony and tripped, almost knocked Carey over. It was a really good time. Thanks for those wonderful things... wow, what a day… I hope that we have a safe flight tomorrow. Her dad bought us plane tickets to the Caribbean… I wish my dad could go with us. He’s never flown anywhere but I think maybe he wants to. He’s either too scared to get on a plane… or maybe scared that what he sees is going to, I don’t know, ruin his image of home or something? Who knows… I don’t know, it’s complicated... I hope I don’t end up like him, at least in that way… Maybe one day I can take him there… or somewhere away from here… Okay. Amen”

“It’s been a while since we spoke... I…um… well Bailey’s gone lord… I’ve got this picture of him and me that Carey took last summer, but I don’t think we ever really caught him on camera that often otherwise… it’s amazing how quickly 8 years goes by… His stomach turned last night and it would have cost… nine thousand dollars for the surgery to fix him… he really came into my life at the right time… and I know Carey loved him... He really made this little cottage so homey… I’m not sure where that leaves me. I don’t think it’s really hit me yet… He was my boy…”

“I guess you and I got close this last year… that’s for sure… Anyways… Carey has gotten much sicker. Dr. Reynolds said her Leukemia is treatable but… that doesn’t make it much easier... I’m not terribly scared but... I just keep remember things and it makes me sad. Like when we were kids… and we’d sit on the back deck and… throw lawn darts at places where sticks made a… a hoop shape out in the grass… God I’ve known her forever… I don’t even know what to think about this? ... I guess if she’s gone tomorrow then that’s that… it was a wild ride while it lasted… that’s the right way to think about it… right? … I’m just tired of all the pity and fake cheer-ups from everybody… people I don’t even know… I hope I can pull myself together on this one. Maybe when it’s my turn I’ll be a little more peaceful…”

“This day was a masterpiece if I’ve ever seen one. What a day… Now I lay me down to sleep... I pray the lord my soul to keep.. if I should—“